Tea & Tales

As a doctor, I’ve found myself constantly questioning: Am I safe? Am I good enough? Do I actually know what I’m doing? It’s a strange feeling, especially when I compare myself to my penultimate year of university, where I felt so confident and knowledgeable. Now, it’s like I’ve forgotten the basics, and I’m constantly seeking reassurance from peers who are just a year ahead of me.

Working in A&E has amplified these feelings. The sheer variety of cases I encounter leaves me staring at patient lists, thinking, How would I even handle that? But here’s the thing: every patient encounter is a learning opportunity. You take a history, do an exam, and if you’re unsure, you discuss it with someone more experienced. That’s how medicine works. Yet, I still find myself thinking, How am I even allowed to practice?

There have been moments where I’ve felt completely out of my depth. Simple cases suddenly seem overwhelming, and I’ve had to rely on registrars to guide me. One time, I thought a patient could be treated straightforwardly, only to be told, No, you need to do this, this, and this. It’s moments like these that make me wonder, What if I hadn’t asked?

I’ve also noticed how my peers seem to have it all together. They appear confident, knowledgeable, and capable, while I’m still second-guessing myself. It’s frustrating, especially since I’m in the final year of my foundation training. I thought I’d have a better grasp of things by now.

But here’s the silver lining: talking about it helps. Sharing my struggles with peers has shown me that I’m not alone. Even the registrars I look up to have their moments of doubt. It’s a reminder that impostor syndrome is a shared experience, not a personal failing.

There have been small victories too. Like the time I sutured a kids knee, something I’ve done countless times on adults, but still felt a wave of panic. Or the patient with shingles on her face, which I only recognised after a peer pointed it out. These moments, while humbling, are also opportunities to grow.

This year has been tough for other reasons too. I’ve been unwell, which has made decision-making even harder. I didn’t get into specialty training, failed the MRCS exam twice, and had applications disregarded. It’s easy to feel like I’m not good enough, especially when I compare myself to my medical school self, where I felt like I was thriving.

But I’ve also had moments of encouragement. My clinical supervisor during my psychiatry placement was a beacon of support. She reassured me that my struggles weren’t a reflection of my abilities but rather the systems challenges. It was a reminder that having a mentor who truly knows you can make all the difference.

Impostor syndrome is a constant companion in medicine, but it doesn’t have to define us. It’s okay to feel unsure, to ask for help, and to learn from every experience. After all, medicine is a journey, not a destination. And sometimes, just knowing that others feel the same way is enough to keep going.

So, to anyone out there feeling like they’re not enough: you are not alone. Keep talking, keep learning, and remember; You’re exactly where you need to be.